A fly on the wall...

Last night was date night with Trevor and Jake. Nicole, Melissa & I took the kids to see Rango. Actually truth be told I paid the theatre $11 for Ad to borrow a chair to sleep in. She has never fallen asleep in a movie. Now, this was about a lizard... meaning no princess story she was not having it.
Let me just stop and tell you... I don't know how she slept through one kid screaming the entire movie. I wanted to turn around and ask the parents if I could let him sit with me. I would have had a come to Jesus talk with him about his behavior. Then I thought, nope, I don't know sign language. They obviously were deaf because their kid was screaming and they didn't flinch. The kid on the other side of us was probably on his way to the hospital when the mom saw that Rango was playing and quickly realized that is much cheaper than her copay. The boy couldn't breathe out his nose or his mouth. I think he choked on his snot 52 times in 52 seconds.
The movie was packed! We were on pervert row. The very front... I better explain that comment. That is what I call all the old men that sit around the dance floor on the "front row" and it just stuck.
Absolutly the worst kids movie I have ever seen. If Ad was awake here is what she would have learned: it's okay to play with guns, let's kill everything, what word comes after "son of a ...", cussin is common in kids movies, how animals hang themselves, must I go on?! Best $11 nap.
At least she ate all the candy I so kindly supplied myself. We stopped at the dollar store and brought our own. I think that it is hilarious that we "teach" our kids what is right and wrong. I can justify this. I am teaching her to save $50 when she goes to the movie. BYOS, bring your own snacks. Nobody said I was perfect! Maybe those parents of the screaming kid should have done the same thing and he would be chewing instead of screaming.
Enough about the movie!
We head to El Chico after the movie for dinner. Melissa promised Trevor some play at the park "if it wasn't dark" after the movie. Then she quickly threw in dinner and "if it wasn't dark" after dinner we would go. I do the same thing! Love it! Really it takes the pressure off you as a parent and puts it on Mother Nature.
Ad is a BIG 7 and thinks she is a BIG GIRL. I can let her think that. She tells me she has to go the the bathroom, but is devistated that I want to take her. I guess since I have seen pervert row I know what is out there. So, I quickly realize that this is not worth a fight. I let her go by herself. Or so she thought. If someone was following her she would have no clue. I was 10 steps behind. She went in and here it goes... I go in a few seconds later and I go in the stall next to her. She does her biz and I must say the crack in the door, well, I once hated those. They are mommy peepers. I now love them. She walks up to the sink and turns on the water. It gets better just wait. Then she shuts it off and out the door she goes. Mom was right behind her. She sits down and BAM. I tap her shoulder and told her to come with me. WOW, the look was priceless. I don't have to say anything she knows. While she is scrubbing the crap out of her hands I tell her... Ad, you touched the toilet. When you touch the toilet you are touching everyones butts. All the people in the restaurant have sat here with their bare butt. Some of the people that have sat here probably have doody butts. You touched their doody. Since you didn't wash that tells me you wanted to eat their doody germs. {yes, I am allowed to scare her into washing} I don't want to eat their doody, but when you reach into the chip bowl then I get to eat their doody germs too. I have to tell her to stop washing. I scared the doody out of my daughter. Don't worry people she is now OCD about washing her hands.  A quick shout out to the man upstairs for giving me 6 miles of legs and to my kickboxing teacher for giving me the strength to hover over the toilet.  No doody germs for me!!!
She hasn't quite realized I followed her. She probably thinks God told me. I still get by with that trick. When I know she is lying I will close my eyes and say "let me ask God" and before my eyes open the confession starts. She will ask why God talks to me and won't answer her. Well, I tell her that once you become a mommy God gives you that voice. Just like he gave me the eyes in the back of my head that you can't see, just mommies. {aka rear view mirror}
I didn't realize that a 6 foot 135 pound {that is what is on my drivers licence so that is what is going on my blog} woman could pass as a fly on the wall. I DID!


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